July 19, 2013
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The most difficult question for me to answer.
As far as I can remember in my life, there was one question I never knew how to answer:
“Where are you from?”
This is actually made more difficult for me to answer because of the preconceptions people have had of me, and the responses they expect. And every time they ask, I hesitate a moment to:
1) Try and figure out what they want to actually know.
2) Decide how in-depth I want to make my answer.
3) Where they want me to begin.During this (sometimes) short hesitation, they would try and narrow down the question. For instance, a lot of people try to clarify, ‘where were you born’, ‘what’s your ethnicity’, ‘where did you grow up most of your life’, etc… And unless the question is very specific or I do not want to actually give anyone who may ask me this question too many details of my personal life, these further questions make it even more difficult for me to answer while portraying an accurate description of my upbringing.
I am a TCC, and quite honestly, have no emotional ties to any one place. For me, family is where home is. And it’s not that I am ashamed of my background; on the contrary I am quite proud of how I was raised– if someone was genuinely interested in knowing where I came from and where I had been, I would be quite happy to tell them. But I have discovered most people don’t really care, they just want an answer so they can categorize you in some neat organizational system that helps their brains to function. I don’t want to come off as being an elitist, nor do I want to appear like I’m trying to show off, and worse of all, I don’t wanna be a bore and just plain old rant.
Later in life I learned to just give up the short answer: I smile sweetly and say very casually, “My family lives in Virginia.” Then white kids don’t have the gall to ask me any more about where my blood comes from and that sort of thing, just so they don’t come off as ignorant. Though I ehard back later that people sometimes wonder ‘what do you mean ‘family lives in’.
Now, this seems to be a more common question as I get older, and not while I am in Fairfax. Seems like half of the people who ask me now-a-days are almost complete strangers, which makes it easy to give them the short answer. Taxi drivers, bank tellers, and friends of friends don’t need to know where I was born, or where I lived most of my life, or where I graduated from high school, etc.. But when I’m meeting office friends, future in-laws and my SO’s closer relationships, I cannot escape having to go into a bit more depth of where I’ve been.
At this point, my buddeh has realized that I am not very good at talking about my location-upbringing. So when I look as if I’m doing my 3 point calculation in my head, he’ll usually try to take over and practice his skill in remembering my childhood in order. I think it’s pleasant that way, he can be proud of me for me; and I don’t have to say much.
I’d been away from the USA for a while and at the time I had left I thought that America was less ‘shocked’ by racial diversity than Singaporeans. People later pointed out to me that was because I lived in the big cities and college towns of metropolitan America. Some people still ask me if I have my green card yet. Yep… Racial ignorance is in abundance in the world still.
So In the end: just the bottom line?
I’m from America.
Comments (1)
We do. As humans we break things down into differences and then categorize them. I think, that this is partially innate behavior as that’s how we see the world, the universe, life, etc. Our perception is the difference of one thing, to another. That said, we are also a social animal. We also have learned behavior, and we can alter the way we interact and perceive others. I wonder how sharp, or blurred, the line is between being unique/rare/etc and being ‘in common’.
But I do think there’s an innocence in asking about peoples backgrounds, if only to get to know them better. We often make generalizations of backgrounds and culture directly on appearance (we’re wired that way). It’s not always insultive (if that’s a real word). But you’re right, people will ask ~just~ to categorize you. My physical appearance is white. People make very specific generalizations about me. But I grew up around a heavily influenced latin population. My own larger-extended family is 80% Italian-decent. My cultural up bringing is different than just ‘white’. But people make assumptions about me because my look fits to what they would expect me to be. I hate being labeled anything; white or other. Not because I’m embarrassed (I’m fine with who I am), but because my beliefs and culture are my own. And they don’t necessarily conform to a specific norm or expectation, or some national generalization.