April 24, 2014
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When Pride ruled my life, I only regretted one thing.
I think back a lot about my past and about the things that didn’t work out. I am fortunate in that I only ever had a first love, and a last love. So there isn’t a lot of sharing when it comes to secret places in my heart.
And to be true, I don’t have any feelings for anyone other than Greed. Not even Pride.
Easy enough, I think, since he was emotionally abusive and I was the one at the time that didn’t want to let it go. But for all the tears, depression, mutual anguish from being used by each other… there was only one thing in our relationship that I really regretted.
And no, it was NOT the time I accidentally was seduced by his then other ‘sex buddy’ into a rather bizarre threesome. lol, you’ll have to hunt through this page to find the rest of that story. It’s a good story.
The only thing I really blame Pride for is keeping me from going to a building dedication.
It was a time when Neil Armstrong visited my school. I missed his address to the dedication of the Armstrong building. I wanted to go and it was early and I was tired– and when I said I wanted to get up I said excitedly: “Let’s go watch the dedication of the Armstrong building!”
Pride growled unpleasantly and said, “No. Why would you want to go to something like that?”
“I want to see Neil Armstrong…” I said earnestly.
“You won’t meet him and it’s too early.” It may have been 8 AM.
But in that moment, I didn’t argue because (though I was enthusiastic) I was tired, and his opinion mattered. Why would I want to go? Just to say that I was there. So I went back to bed… and didn’t wake up again till 1.
From that very day, i regretted not going. And to this very day, I blame him for not supporting me or encouraging me. I really think he was the reason I did not at least see the first man on the moon. I COULD HAVE… but my emotional dependence kept me from it.
Mr. Armstrong died within a few years of the dedication. That was his last address to the public.
I catch myself lying every once and a while. I’ll say, “Neil Armstrong graduated from my college. I went to see him speak once, he was such an inspiration.”
I regret it that much.
I wonder why this bothers me more than the fact that it was him that made me want to jump out the window of my 12th story dorm.
