October 3, 2013
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You Can Tell When Someone is in Love
During my college years, I went through a phase in which I wanted to absorb myself in strangers and new friends because the relationship I had kept a rift between myself and those who loved me. (It wasn’t that I didn’t still love, or ‘was loved by’ them it was just that I didn’t want to be the burden in their lives that they had to pretend to be happy for.)
In this time, I had made a friend with a young girl named H- from a group of people who were close to each other and several years younger than myself. We were friends for two weeks, and then life took her elsewhere and I was stuck in that same hole I liked.
There were a lot of people I knew in that time, but I somehow felt a close relationship with her.
The first week we spoke about the lovers we shouldn’t have had, and in her tipsy state she pointed out one of the other youngsters to me and with a stupor told me that he was nice to her, and hot, and funny.
I could see none of these things about him. In fact I thought he was far detached from the things I find attractive in a man. But when i looked at the way she watched him, I could see his reflection in her face, and I knew without a doubt that everything she felt was true.
The second week we hung out was her twenty first birthday. Of course, in America, turning 21 was like becoming a superstar. She partied hard, with a bottle of Belvedere clutched to her lungs. By the second hour of her birthday (since she started birthday-eve) she was plastered. All the while, her shy demeanor prevailed and she tried to drunkenly justify hiding her affections for C-, who, IMO, was trying only partially veil his own sweet concern for her.
The last memory I have of H- was bringing her water as she leaned pleasantly half passed out by the toilet seat of the small college apartment telling her I had gotten C- and he was going to take her home when she was ready to leave.
Somehow, that look on her face is still clear in my mind’s eye. She was satisfied and she was innocent (or… at least as innocent as a drunk college birthday girl could be) and she said with no reservations.
“You are so nice. You are so so nice.”
I sent her off with her crush that night and I knew that I had ended something. But still, I couldn’t be sad– something about her had already told me she was going to be all right.
On Facebook, C- posted a Top Gear link. I am a fan of the Top Gear page, so even though I do not put C’s stuff up high on my list of priority articles, his showed up on top. He had linked an item to H- and I saw that his profile picture was of the two of them in a cheerful embrace.
And I thought to myself:
“I’m happy they are together.”
Almost five years later, I am happy that a couple of strangers that I had known for a dozen days are happy together. Their romance had been seeded in that exact moment I had met them, and although all I did was fetch H- water and lead C- to that frat party toilet, I still felt like I was a part of their relationship.
I doubt either of them remembered me, or even really care that I exist.
But I’m still so happy that they are happy.
