Going through your social network friend list and trimming the ones you don't want anymore.
-Jin was so tired of all the ridiculously obnoxious facebook news feeds that she spent a weekend friendscaping.
--(mostly from)UrbanDictionary.com
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Actually, I went on to Urban Dictionary earlier to look up 'hashtag'. I've seen them extensively and know that they mean they are related to something else, but I had no idea what they actually were and why people would ruin perfectly good sentences just to #complainaboutshit while looking like a #spambot.
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Yeah, don't sue me, I have no idea how to actually hashtag.
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Anyway, 'friendscaping' was on Urban Dictionary's front page. And I glanced at it, and realized that I had been friendscaping before I realized that there was even a term for it. And it's nothing personal, but if we met at a party and I never saw you again, I don't need to be your friend on facebook... especially when you keep posting how great your boyfriend is... all.. the... time.
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At its peak, I had over a thousand friends. I had heard that the average facebooker who actually friends people they know will have close to 300 or 400. I don't know where or how I met that many people yet if I go into the list and look I can at least remember something about roughly 60% of them. But even if I know you, is it worth remaining facebook friends with you?
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My landlady a few years ago and I had a conversation about relationships between 'friends' (she liked to tell me the 'correct' way to live life a lot... and most of them I didn't agree with her.). She said that:
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"To be happy with the relationships in your life, you have to know that there are three kinds, and only three kinds of friends: 1) the friends for a reason, 2) the friends for a season and 3) the friends for life."
-a very opinionated woman
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She goes on to say that you should be true and genuine to all of these people and but give according to their category, and expect from them according to their category.
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1) The friends for a reason.
Friends for a reason define those people in your life who you would not be naturally drawn toward but circumstances put you together. These friends will help you in some way or another, with a willing heart and a good attitude-- but they may not necessarily care about your opinions, or aspirations or your past. They serve a sole purpose, to be friendly to you while you benefit from them.
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By definition, this sounds like a selfish reason to keep a friend. But when you think bout it, there is nothing wrong with being nice to someone because it benefits you to be nice to them. Businesses run on friends for reasons. Group projects are the best when formed by friends for reasons. And just because you have a reason or a common goal to be friends with someone doesn't mean you are purposefully using or abusing a friendship. Keep in mind, to say there's nothing wrong to be nice to someone so that they help you is not an all-purpose-excuse to be two faced. I'm just saying that there may only be one reason you are friends with someone, and once that common ground is gone, there is no point in pretending to be more interested.
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Some people in my office don't seem to get this concept of 'friends with a reason'. Apparently my nice demeanor and acknowledging smiles and nods towards your words in my face must imply that I want to be your bestie. You are a nice person who I need technical opinions from and so I will be a nice person and give you back my technical opinions. This is not an open invitation for you to disrupt my concentration to tell me how your exotic wife cooks the best fried rice, with whatever the heck she puts in there, however the heck she cooks it. This is not an open invitation to wave your hand in front of my face while I'm leaned into my work with my headphones on just to tell me your opinion on the quality of Batman's secret identity over Superman's secret identity (which actually happened by the way).
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Friends for a reason. Remember that. And don't be insulted if someone thinks of you as a friend for a reason. It's nothing personal.
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2) the friends for a season
These friends are people who were very close and important to you during a season in your life. A childhood buddy. Or a college best-friend. These people you held fast to because at that point in your existence you needed someone just like them to keep you grounded, to keep you sane. But when your paths verged and you went off to get that job out of town while he went off and finished his master's degree, you went your separate ways and just grew apart.
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Anyone who has ever had to move towns in your life (which is most of us, in this modern age) has had a friend for a season. That great friend that you use to do everything with. Wonder what happened to them? Have you ever had a friend who you remember getting along with so well-- only to meet them alter and wonder where that chemistry had gone. People change... sometimes they change in ways you can't follow. You change... sometimes you change in ways they don't want to. It happens, but we were good friends then and how you feel about someone now doesn't change how you felt about them in the past.
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3) the friends for life
No one really needs to know how to define a friend for life. I mean... it's pretty self explanatory. Friends for life are the people who you don't need to reason with to be friends with them. These ere are the people who will be there for you no matter where in their life they are, or where in your life you are. These are the people you can count on, even if the last time you had seen them was ten years ago.
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Friends for life... are friends of the immortal kind.
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So now that you know what friends are what, the trick is to treat them as such. And know that there are only issues when you feel your friend is in the "Friend for life" catagory, and your friend feels like you are in the "Friend for a reason" category. That is when you run into issues.
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Another time, I may go into how I propose you deal with the awful scenarios you get into when your friendships don't align. But for now I just want to end with a comment Friendscaping.
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I've started Scaping out the "Friends for a reason" category from my Facebook. With all the invasive updates that comes with news feeds and game requests and political outcry, I have decided that if I don't know you beyond the surface, or if you just annoy the shit out of me-- I'm clicking the 'Remove from friends' option. It's nothing personal, since obviously, we have no personal relationship to insult. And should I ever meet you again and know you more, I will add you again.
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But let's face it... I probably will not see you again.
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Now the next Facebook problem: how to remove the news feeds of my close friends' baby pooping escapades... I haven't found a solution to that yet.
Comments (1)
Hi there, I will definitely share it with friends. I am sure they'll love this site. But will you make clear on the last thing you have told in your post?