Idle demon, false gods
you told me to worship Jesus
you taught me to worship you.

A tithe, ten tithes
your wrath quelled by sacrifices,
your affection won by songs of praises

Are you man, or are you a lie?
Your voice brings the storms
your gaze brings the famine.

Dare we worship other loves?
Dare we worship other gods?
Say we worship Jesus Christ, dare we really?

Idle demon, false prophet
you told me to worship Jesus
and all you worship is yourself.

A sermon, a show;
your conditional love
your situational forgiveness.

Are you a lion, or are you a jackal?
you fan the frienzies,
you feed the godess' wrath.

Dear prophet of the idle god.
No man has ever turned me to Jesus Christ
As completely as you have turned me away from Him. 

"I'm staring at a rabbit. It's eating clover.  It's right by the ice rink. I'm telling it to eat more clover. It loves clover only slightly less than it fears death. I left it alone. I know that I don't have that capacity for love."

I don't really have a very deep capacity for emotion. There is only one person to whom I feel uncontrollably deep emotions towards; everything else I feel somewhat blase about. Don't get me wrong, blase leaning toward the cheerful side, not dull and dead of the sort. But if you asked me to give up my life for anything, I would give it up for my Heart without a second thought. 

... I miss you...

Is it human nature to leave nasty comments when one thinks you can't see or feel the person you're talking to? Is it more rewarding and less wrong to judge a person when you know you'll never meet them?

I've noticed this recent rash of blogs going around which are written by a young lady who seems to be incredibly opinionated. Now a days, the term 'opinionated' carries a lot of negative implications-- but really the only people who ever stir any kind of emotion from any one else are people with strong opinions. If you really believe in something, you will respond--  if you really disagree with something, you will respond. The aim of writing a piece of opinion is to share a different perspective with a broader range of people, -- and though you hope as many people as possible will be able to relate to your topic, you should be aware that you can't ever please everyone all at the same time. 

Okay. So maybe her (this young lady's) blog and I don't agree with very much. (In fact, this young lady's internet persona and I agree with basically nothing) -- and for a moment after reading her entries I am insulted that she should make such erroneous generalizations about me or any other women in the world. Then I realize that she's experienced different things that I have, and she feels different emotions from me; and I realize that I don't in fact know anything more about her besides what she has written. For all I know, in her day-to-day life she and I may be friends. I have to assume that the things that bother her enough to stir blogs from the depth of her soul are the things that she herself is surprised of. I suspect that the stories one shares online tend to be stories in one's life that are strange, even to you. This is why no one ever blogs about walking to the mailbox...

Now usually I'd leave it there, just wave my hand dismissively and say, "Well, she's not for me." read a few comments maybe leave a quip of my own, and then forget about the whole affair. Then I noticed the development of nasty replies as the internet goes down the line. "You're a hypocrite." "Judgmental bitch, there's something wrong with YOU." "You're a terrible person." and I can't help but feel sorry for her. There's a difference between disliking what someone is saying, and disliking who someone is.  Okay, considering her last post had this picture saying 'I love being hated', then maybe getting mean comments is what she wants-- but me, if someone judged me for a story I wrote without ever meeting me, I would maybe huddle around my laptop in a corner and start crying. I know that as a writer you have to be able to take the bad comments as well as the good ones, but some of these responses seem unnecessarily personal... at least keep the insults related to the topic of discussion and the material in the article, and not about individual herself. 

Anyway, it makes me wonder, if a bunch of Xangans disagree with her and we all gang up and tell her what a horrible person she is for being... well, the person that makes her unique.-- would that be considered cyber bullying? Just out of curiosity, would any of you be as sharp to her face if you met her and talked to her in person or is this just one's online persona?

I've been working for two weeks, and in that time I've learned two important things. 

1) Big city rush hour on public transportation is an exhausting grind.
2) Gossip travels fast in the office.

Putting aside a good hour is not enough to get to work on time. an hour and a half is about right. Though I put an hour and a quarter and just get there whenever I get there. The nice thing about working in engineering are as follows; Flexy hours. Casual office attire.

Work right now feels a lot like school. I'm doing what I had been doing back at Purdue. A lot of that grind and study and busy work. I don't get to play with Catia anymore. I wanted to work later yesterday, I was getting into the swing of my job! and then my co-workers wanted to go take me out as my 'Welcome to Singapore' party. I'm anxious to get back to it actually. 

The atmosphere in the office reminds me of a small class. We have our projects, we do our things, we look stuff up and go eat food in the canteen. When you're frustrated enough, you get up and go to someone else' cubicle and complain about it! I'm finding people keep coming to my office to chat with me that I hardly feel like I get any productive work done!

Don't get me wrong though, it's great. I am really enjoying the people and the atmosphere of work. Everyone is very welcoming-- even those who do not say much at least smile at me! One set of new work friends are taking me out and teaching me about the local food. One of my co-workers has been offering to drive me home on several occasions. And then there was my 'party'.

For those who need to remember:

Flying creatures love hitting me. Sitting in the club lounge waiting for the band, I got attacked by flying bugs. twice. one went into my shirt and got stuck in my sleeve. 

.... I miss you guys. I wish you could be here with me. 

My first day at work was AWESOME

Living in the City, where time was money. and the girls were BIG time.

PS: http://gothere.sg/maps

In the last 36 hours (Yeah I know that's not really 'today' but oh well)

• Started a bank account.
• Walked, took two trains and took a bus to work. 
• Took a bus, took a train and walked back home.
• Hangout+ with L- and two random people.
• Skyped my mother. 
• Hangout+ with S-, M-, K- and K-'s mom. Zomg-- Netbook fainted.
• Attempted to Hangout+ with N-. Gotta Chat though =}
• Skyped with C-. That man cracks me up.
• Got a new contact lens prescription.
• Took the bus to the US Embassy.
• Walked around the south half of the botanical garden. 
• - Swan Lake
• - Ginger Garden
• - Orchid Garden
• - Curtian of Roots
• - Bonsai garden
• - Girl on a bicycle
• - Fernery 
• Registered as an American living in Singapore (I know; when I got there they were out to lunch so I went to the botanical gardens first then went back to the embassy)
• Applied for the absentee ballot.
• Had some exercise, pool and sun time. 

It's been a good day. =}

They won me over playing a live show all wearing JLA shirts-- even Hawkman's shirt!... And then all of a sudden the new line up has a Captain America. Avengers anyone?

I had spent the last two months packing. And not just packing, I mean turning everything over and emptying out my life. At first it was clearing myself some space at my grandmothers. And then it was trying to find homes for the items in my apartment. And then it was finding the things in my house that was donateable. United told me that I could bring two 50lb bags with me to move my life half way across the world; and I decided that it was hardly enough. That and of course... I left my Heart in Lafayette. 

It was an oven in West Lafayette the day I left. Fortunately for me I had some help from some very sweet boys the last day I was there. I don't think I could have gotten my things packed if it weren't for them. I was sweating and cussing and over all unhappy. Then I took a shower at a friend's place and effectively broke down in tears distraught about what I had to leave behind. I wish I had some more time to hold my Heart. 

There were a lot of things I had to do in VA. Appointments mostly; physicals, checkups, dental cleaning-- the likes. I love my parents. If there was a way i could see them (For short few hour bursts on the weekends maybe...) I would do that. I just wish I could come home for Sunday lunch. I saw some people; I saw some I didn't expect to see. They all said the same things, mostly; "good luck!", "You'll have a great time!", "What a great experience you'll have!" blah blah. I thanked them, pretended to be excited and then went back to packing all the while wondering about my you-know.

Checking in the airport was easy, I've flown so much that that kind of thing doesn't bother me anymore. Living in a new country; it's not actually all that hard. And Singapore is basically a very hot, very clean, very rule-guided New York. The interchange from Narita was a bitch, just like the obnoxious woman at the Check-in counter who chastised me for having a bag that was 2lb too heavy. In the airport I could fill out all of my paperwork and organize my travel documents making damn good sure that I still had my passport and driver's licence. I had another laugh at the Social Development BreedingProgram Membership and considered it if I managed to fathom dating when I knew my Heart was somewhere else. 

It was smooth sailing for most of the trip. Sat next to two gentlemen who were somehow affiliated with the airforce and listened with jealousy about their stories of flying f15s... one was a military photographer. Two other people near my seats were future fathers. Apparently having pregnant ladies are the in thing right now. There was just enough turbulence to make the ride interesting-- though the captian on the flight from DC to Narita was a tad trigger happy with the fasten seat-belt sign. I lay my head down a few times when I was lonley for you-know, and I gripped on to my sweater sleeve and pretended I was holding his hand.

On the leg from Narita to ChangYi I pulled out my paperwork. The reporting to work form was mostly finished. When I touched down I needed to take a blood test. If I arrived on a Tuesday I should try to get up at aproximately work time and experiment on how long it would take me to make it to the office. I would be making that commute five times a week for the next three years, I better know when I have to get up. Since I shall be working there for a while, I should make new friends-- but not the first week, for I should learn how to do professional things before I play. Maybe my friends in the 'States can keep me company until I have time to go root about for local friends. That's a 12 hour difference, and I don't get to casually see them like I want to... When I get some time, I need to buy a new mattress and some shelves once i figure out how much space I occupy when I'm in Popo's bedroom. I would need a new computer, but not one too heavy that when I move from her place to my next home it won't be a hassle. When I touch down I have to contact HR, Mr. J- , Mr. Y- and my mom to let them know I've arrived safely and that I'm ready to start working. Before the weekend, I should run by the American Embassy and tell them that I am going to be living in Singapore now, just in case I go missing or they need to evacuate SG for whatever apocalyptic reason and I'd reserve my place on the survivor's plane. And then i have to get used to living in my new home without a desktop, friends, a car, the food I'm used to, the places I know, or the people I want to see. Not to mention that I'll have to get re-acclimated to living with family and I let go of that freedom I had from living by myself yet surrounded by friends. I have no Heart... No familiar footing... I'll be working. Alone. In a country on the opposite side of the hemisphere from everyone else. And I guess this is where it all hit me. Filling out my disembarkation papers on the airplane, I was suddenly struck by the reality of it all. I'm going to be working in another freakin' continent. And half in shock and half in confusion I bolted upright in my seat and thought to myself. 

"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?"

So I know that traditionally, especially in pop culture, the names of the four horsemen are as follows:

Pestilence, War, Famine, Death

But in the bible, where the lore comes from, the only rider with an explicit name is Death. So I was just thinking, what other names the horsemen could we come up with? (I put the excerpts of Revelation 6 that pertain to the riders from the NIV so you can read and decide with seeing the descriptions)

The White horse:

I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest.

How the hell did we get 'Pestilence'out of all that? Though at the end of the chapter, Death is listed among war, famine, wild animal and plague, maybe that's where it came from. As I understand pestilence, it could have been chosen to mean that some sort of epidemic has overwhelmed the people, conquered the people (as you will) violently. Name alternatives: Conquest, Annihilation, Decimation.

The Red horse: 

Then another horse came out, a fiery red one. Its rider was given power to take peace from the earth and to make people kill each other. To him was given a large sword.

It's said War could actually be applied to the first horse too. In the first one, war between enemies; in the second one, it's implied there is war between friends or civil war. Some say it's just violence in general. I am quite partial to the name war, I think it fits visually and musically beautiful. Though there might be new option for a name: Terrorism.

The Black horse:

When the Lamb opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, “Come!” I looked, and there before me was a black horse! Its rider was holding a pair of scales in his hand.  Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four living creatures, saying, “Two pounds of wheat for a day’s wages, and six pounds of barley for a day’s wages, and do not damage the oil and the wine!”

For those who don't know ancient Revelation time money to wheat ratio, think of it as this-- EXPENSIVE; like10 times more expensive than it should be. It's like walking into the grocery store and buying a loaf of bread for 40 dollars instead of $4. Famine was most likely chosen here because scales were used to weigh bread during times of famine. But really, I see the true evil here as the horseman who is demanding more for something that is not worth that much. Alternative names: Oppression, Corruption, Injustice, Devour, Strife. 

The Pale horse:

I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.

So like... just out of curiosity, Death get's a horse, and then Hades has to scuttle close behind him  on foot? Does he get, like, a horse side car or something of that sort? To the other option, maybe Hades is his weapon... and for those who say it's the realm of the dead in general... then maybe it's a bucket! Death was given his name right out of the NIV version, it makes me wonder if the original intent was to have names or no names for all of them-- it seems weird that John sees all of these riders and goes, this horseman that, that horseman this, that horseman that  this, OH WAIT and there's Death. Side note, the 'pale' horse, may actually be a sickly greeny yellow color. yeah... maybe he's clear?

What do you think of the names I made up? What are some names of the three horsemen that you would suggest reading the descriptions from Revelation?