My mother was not allowed to speak with her father. So we never knew him, up till his death.

When I was six, my dad’s dad passed away. A year later, I remember him calling my brother and I to the bedroom and he told us his mother had followed him.

So all my life, I have only ever had one grandparent.

My grandmother is a special person. Not necessarily a special person in society, but she has been a special influence in my mother’s life. My mother has always been afraid of her mother. But she loved her. And she was fiercely loyal to her.

That was what my grandmother did. She bred fighter’s loyalty–

My mother usually would go to see her mother every year. last year, when I had been living with her mother, she did not. I got to know my grandmother more then, and I went to visit her every week or so and we’d watch TV or just chat. I had, however, inherited my fear of my grandmother from my mother. And every time I waited in her elevator lobby, I would stand there and literally debate with myself whether or not I wanted to go up and put on my granddaughter face.

My mom finally got a call from her publisher to go back to her home town and work on her book. She did that with some fear, not ready to see her family. But buckling down and being brave, she went. During this time, she mended her relationship with her brother, enforced a relationship with her sister and more importantly, got over her fear of her mother.

She called me to say she had spent time with her– had a good conversation with her. She was happy to talk to her mother.

A week after that… yesterday… Mom told me that Popo had passed away. I wonder if I will miss her…

…

…

I’m happy for my mom. I’m also happy that my brother got to see my grandma too. and after all the struggling, I’m kind of happy for my grandmother.

=}

That being said… let the real drama begin.

What a weird week.

Middle of a weird month.

I’m not really paying attention. I’m just staring at my screen blankly not sure if I should be relaxed, sad, excited or really excited.

But that’s just me….

I’m more concerned about my mother.

Friendscaping

“Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that.”  -Haruki Murakami

Yes, I have judged a stranger.

But only because he’s gone off and judged EVERYONE who is not a staunch believer in the faith of which he subscribes (And he’s judged a lot of others who are believers of his faith). And though I understand how and why he came to his conclusions (and sometimes I even agree with his fundamental statements), his manner of speak and his utter disrespect for altering opinions has made me unhappy to have ever come across his work.

But really, I have no personal problem with Mr Walsh. He is a man who I will most likely ever met, and don’t care to ever know. What gets me are the people in my life who share his opinions as if they are diamonds of wisdom in a world filled with coal.  And it hurts me to find that there are people who want to share this sentiment of intolerance as if it is manna of what is good in the world. It is as if the only way to change people for the better is to be cruel and opinionated.

I never understood why people felt the need to belittle others in order to change their minds. I was taught to love a sinner into the kingdom: this seems to be so logical to me. And so it was also the reason I disassociated myself with the church.

So I digress, the reason I went on here was to complain about Mr. Walsh. My point is, you should not emulate people who hate. That is dangerous for you. That is dangerous for society. And honestly, it makes you look like a closed minded tool. If you are to emulate the attitudes and actions of someone who is out to change minds and create spiritual awareness, I vote you use Pope Francis.

okay… I have joined the mass millions who have now considered Pope Francis ‘the man’. And you know what, I’m not ashamed that I like him. I’m not Catholic, and yet he makes me want to follow him– he makes me want to treat people according to his examples.

And one thing you would never hear him say (at least to the media) is: “that person’s a heathen and a lost cause! So do everything in your power to belittle their beliefs!”

….

He’s awesome.

….

So people.  Less encouragement to the haters that fall under the same category Matt Walsh. And more doing according the perspective and examples of people like Pope Francis. Less obsession over what makes man a worse creature than you– and more acceptance of the flaws of humanity so that you can love it to change.

Just an opinion.

How the hell does work last so long?

Politics, that is. Especially as of late, I feel that my life has been embroiled by it. I am getting at that age where I really think that it is important for me to start paying attention to it. But all I can hear is “BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO POOP”.

I don’t know why anyone would be interested in this shit, it’s more irritating than Jersey Shore… and that’s bad.

Anyway, I started this post with a thought: “I hate super-conservatives even more than I hate super-liberals which must mean I am a liberal.” But  now that doesn’t seem to go well with the rest of this post. I think instead I shall just ignore any sort of life outside of mine own and continue making fancy cups of tea.

Mmmmm. Tea.

So… I have decided that I have problems with Christians who are trying to ‘prove a point’. Granted, I have a few opinions on faith and the concept of faith in its entirety; but I do not have any trouble letting people subscribing to a belief set that is completely different from my own. And I have no problem with people who understand their faith from a different perspective from me.

What I do have a problem with are those people who are convinced of  religious ‘infallible’s. Things that are certain, and true without any proof besides the religious writings ‘I-told-you-so’s. My beliefs and dis-beliefs aside, I would like to have a standing criticism of my wanna-be-preacher-facebook-friends.

I see that your faith has so moved you to proclaim to the world at large that you are a staunch believer of the epic healing power of the cosmos. Good job. God bless. All that jazz.  But really… don’t you think it’s obnoxious to have religious debates (or any kind of debates for that matter) with people on your public facebook feed? And are you so palpably uninspired that the webcoms and memes of the general public (also as dumb as you who feed it) aw you so profoundly that you must re-tweet someone else’s opinion without putting a lick of effort into expressing it in your own words?

I’m not saying you should paraphrase every quote or re-write every inspiring article. But at what stage do the words you say reflect on something you have pondered rather than something someone else has downloaded into your brain?

And: If you had put it up for public display, why wouldn’t you be up for public debate? Obviously your opinions will differ from others opinions– you can’t put something there with the mindset that you in your grandeur will single-handedly lead the opinions of the mass hundred that follow your facebook feed (unless you’re the pope… the pope is allowed to think that his opinions will sway the perspective of millions….).

Be open to debate, and be open to having your mind change, or keep your accusations/ assertions/ ignorance to yourself.

Actually…. screw that, I don’t care what your religious standards are– putting up justifications as to  how and why you judge others on your facebook is just distasteful (and honestly… a little weird).  Be like a normal person and go talk to someone about the mysteries of life. Or start a blog. Really.

Facebook?

ugh.

“I suggest you go back and read what the Bible has to say about that, J–” Pompus prick… I have read the bible– cover to cover. Nowhere in there does God ever say ‘thou shall go out and post as many internet memes about me on your facebook so we can bolster our image as the perfect religion.’ (At least I don’t think there are… but I guess I’ll have to go back and check again)

Not long ago, I attended a college friend’s wedding. They had an ‘intimate family and wedding party only’ type of thing with the receptions held in a hotel room. A very nice hotel room. This hotel room had a bar.  I was thirsty and the only place to get water was to go behind the bar. This is what I did.

While leaving the bar, my friend’s new husband asked me to get him water. I am not one to turn down a request when asked nicely, so I reached over and filled a cup with water. I asked him if he wanted ice and he said “why yes.” As I was putting ice in his drink, my friend, a fellow brides maid came by and asked if I knew which bottle of coke was open. So I started looking at the bottles for the one I had opened earlier that morning.

Somehow, the groom’s grandfather saw me behind the bar pouring out drinks and assumed it would be OK to put in an order. As I am not so sophisticated a woman that I would turn down odd ‘orders’ from men for the sake of my pride, I hesitantly said: “Alright, I can get you something to drink…”

Here’s the thing: I was friends with the bride and her family. I hadn’t met the groom till the day before, and I sure as hell didn’t care to meet or remember his family, let alone his grumpy grand-pa. He’s from the south, and maybe this is normal in the south, but I’m a Yank wanna-be and will not ever be looked down upon because of my age, sex, or my race. So when this stranger tells me arrogantly and flatly that “I will walk you through my drink since you don’t look like you know what you’re doing.”, I tried my very best not to scowl at him for insulting me WHILE asking for my services.

This young grandparent then proceeded to rattle off a list of instructions using jargon I didn’t know to produce his drink.  I do now realize that ‘finger’ meant my fingers, and not shots– and that he didn’t have a preference the type of whisky he wanted, (I DO know that bourbon and scotch are types of whiskies) — and more pertinently: That he ultimately wanted a whisky coke. But at the time, he was rattling off instructions without giving me any end-point or much respect for that matter. When I finally finished his snooty bourbon-coke: he topped off the experience by literally scoffing:

“No. Put it on the table in front of me since I do not trust you to hand me a drink.”

….

What. The. Fuk.

I gave him his lousy drink, though I would have spat in it if I could have. And hustled out of the bar quickly before temptation possessed me least I reach over and throw the whole solo cup of two fingers and WHISKY  into his face.

Even if I was some old-fashioned southern drink wench, the man could at least be polite to a stranger that he orders drinks from. Does he not realize that the bride is educated in engineering and most likely has friends that are equally educated in engineering? Never mind what he thinks of my educational history, what the doodle happened to good old fashioned common curtsy. I can believe that racist/sexiest/stupid people exist but I thought that they’d at least have the decency to mask it in an age where it is unfashionable to be a pompous elitist.

Tisk “You don’t look like you know what you’re doing” is damn right bitch. I was educated to be an aerospace engineer; I’m nor your docile bar-bitch/go-to-Asian for a free bourbon-coke. If you’d even said ‘whisky and coke’ I would have been able to function just fine. But no, you had to be peculiar about instructions…

“Do not trust you to hand me a drink” your ass. I don’t trust you to drive a car… moron.

I have a friend who was close with me in college. We didn’t spend a lot of time together physically but we were alike in heartbreak. She and I both had been in failed relationships of which were of the emotionally abusive type. She and I both suffered the ‘other woman, but not really’ situation when our respective hearts started dating someone new (while still screwing around with us). We both had more trouble letting go than anyone else saw logical– and continued on despite the fact that we had more self criticism about our relationship than was healthy.

The ex (in both our cases) was life. What do you do when your first life is sick and unfair and oblivious?

I left the country (sooner than I was ready) and refused to get into any serious relationships with anyone. That resulted in that ‘girl’s mind games’ with my current beau who fought hard for me and eventually won me over.

She started internet dating. And had since, been on more dates than I could recall.  And yet there is always something about the collective him that she rejected. Hard-core.

I’m not ripping on internet dating. I know a lot of people who have had successful relationships that spawned from online interactions.  But I think that if you’re looking for the perfect man to come to you when you want him to, I think you’re set up for some kind of heartbreak.

In the past, she had told me that the guys she dated were boys she ‘really liked’ were ‘falling for’ or ‘perfect’ and yet she rejected every one of them. Why? Because she ‘liked him too much’, was ‘already fallen for’, or ‘is too perfect’ for her.

Okay, so I exaggerate a bit– but she has on many occasions rejected men because she liked them too much.

Part of her argument is this: girls like us who have done ‘casual dating’ with someone they were completely in love with should not ‘casually date’ to prevent that previous heartache from happening a second time around. If she were in love with a guy who was not ready, not currently interested in a serious relationship, or wasn’t talking about the future: She would break her own heart and call it the end.

I would think that logically this is not stupid advice…. if you weren’t desperate for company. But she has been looking since I had been looking, nearly five years ago. Rejecting every ‘perfect’ guy because you liked them seems to be counter intuitive to me.

Her latest escapade resulted in tears, as she rides home texting me that she had fantastic 13 hour first and second dates resulting in sleepovers and snuggling. I would think that a 13 hour sleepover would be a good sign. But she tells me she broke up with him because he is not looking for a serious relationship though she is.

I argued: “You know though that casual can become serious? It’s hard to expect guys to go straight into serious.”

In my head, no one wants to go straight into serious unless you are being driven away from (or towards) something. And that if you go on two dates and automatically bring up ‘serious relationship’ with them, that is a red-flag. And even while I was younger, I always was bemused by the concept of  ’only dating with the intention of marrying.’. I vote that sets you up for a lot of expectations in which you and your relationship could fail at. I hate expectations.

She said: “…But I think you’re the exception and not the rule” when I told her casual could turn into something serious, despite either party’s obstacles.

Granted, it’s not very normal to have a perfect relationship between someone who had just gotten out of a long-term commitment and someone who was in love with an unavailable man; but it did work out for me. and where exceptions exist, one should always try. Anyway, it’s not a ‘rule’ that guys who get out of previously serious relationships would not be ready for the next one. It’s like saying ‘the rule’ is all women who break up with their SOs will eat ice cream. Personal preference man….

After some deliberations about how you shouldn’t give up something you want because you are afraid of the possible repercussions, she finally admitted she wanted to be with someone enough that she would put aside her insecurities and reciprocate the offer. I don’t know what happened after that. Something about it being awkward, but I understand that for guys who get rejected, earning back the casual is a hard hump to overcome.

We’ll see.

…. we’ll see.