Early when I had arrived at Greed's future place of work, I had this cool, but bizarre dream. Not so very odd for me, since I tend to have very fantastical (in the fantasy sense) dreams regularly. And since I had been in high school, I use to record all of my dreams whenever I woke up. Since dating Greed regularly, I had been sleeping better and staying in bed to talk with him later, and also haven't felt the need to write down my stories. And when I do have them, I don't tend to make them very note worthy.

He was packing up and in a rush to go to his first day at the office. It was not first day of work, but i figured he'd want to make a good impression. So at 7 AM in the morning, he was dressing to get ready. Not wanting to lose the dream, I started to type it out on a memopad app on my cell phone. Loud clicking, I tell you. And he, very curious as to what I was doing asked.

"I'm typing out a dream I had before I forget it. Because I know if I go to sleep again, I'll forget it when I wake up." Lazily, I didn't rise from my spot on the bed, but felt oddly compelled to say: "I it was a cool dream."

"Really?" He asked.

I said yep, and then rolled over to let him get ready and go. I didn't want to keep him, and honestly, when I was dating Pride he was never interested in hearing what my dreams were about.

Greed continued to get dressed then chuckled, "Well. Is that all or were you going to tell me what happened in your dream?"

I'm not sure if anyone had ever asked me directly to tell them about my dreams. I was a little surprised, I was then a little concerned because it was a long dream and it would take a long time to explain it. Still, he said he was interested and so I started telling him.

The dream itself is recorded in my dream diary. I may put a part of it here at the end of this entry. But that's not the important part of the memory-- what was important was how he reacted. First as he was shaving, watching me even though I wasn't moving. Then as he was putting on his shoes on the chair by the bed. Then leaning into me like I was guiding him through a maze.

And despite being in a rush to get to work, there he sat attentively till I finished the story (with an incredibly anticlimactic: And we were invisible in the garden of these two brothers).

I think about it now, and I am thankful that my SO is so interested in listening to me. He shows me he cares in so many ways that I don't even have to ask him.

Hmm....

Now I'm gushing.

As far as I can remember in my life, there was one question I never knew how to answer:

"Where are you from?"

This is actually made more difficult for me to answer because of the preconceptions people have had of me, and the responses they expect. And every time they ask, I hesitate a moment to:

1) Try and figure out what they want to actually know.
2) Decide how in-depth I want to make my answer.
3) Where they want me to begin.

During this (sometimes) short hesitation, they would try and narrow down the question. For instance, a lot of people try to clarify, 'where were you born', 'what's your ethnicity', 'where did you grow up most of your life', etc... And unless the question is very specific or I do not want to actually give anyone who may ask me this question too many details of my personal life, these further questions make it even more difficult for me to answer while portraying an accurate description of my upbringing.

I am a TCC, and quite honestly, have no emotional ties to any one place. For me, family is where home is. And it's not that I am ashamed of my background; on the contrary I am quite proud of how I was raised-- if someone was genuinely interested in knowing where I came from and where I had been, I would be quite happy to tell them. But I have discovered most people don't really care, they just want an answer so they can categorize you in some neat organizational system that helps their brains to function. I don't want to come off as being an elitist, nor do I want to appear like I'm trying to show off, and worse of all, I don't wanna be a bore and just plain old rant.

Later in life I learned to just give up the short answer: I smile sweetly and say very casually, "My family lives in Virginia." Then white kids don't have the gall to ask me any more about where my blood comes from and that sort of thing, just so they don't come off as ignorant. Though I ehard back later that people sometimes wonder 'what do you mean 'family lives in'.

Now, this seems to be a more common question as I get older, and not while I am in Fairfax. Seems like half of the people who ask me now-a-days are almost complete strangers, which makes it easy to give them the short answer. Taxi drivers, bank tellers, and friends of friends don't need to know where I was born, or where I lived most of my life, or where I graduated from high school, etc.. But when I'm meeting office friends, future in-laws and my SO's closer relationships, I cannot escape having to go into a bit more depth of where I've been.

At this point, my buddeh has realized that I am not very good at talking about my location-upbringing. So when I look as if I'm doing my 3 point calculation in my head, he'll usually try to take over and practice his skill in remembering my childhood in order. I think it's pleasant that way, he can be proud of me for me; and I don't have to say much.

I'd been away from the USA for a while and at the time I had left I thought that America was less 'shocked' by racial diversity than Singaporeans. People later pointed out to me that was because I lived in the big cities and college towns of metropolitan America. Some people still ask me if I have my green card yet. Yep... Racial ignorance is in abundance in the world still.

So In the end: just the bottom line?

I'm from America. 

I've hit a new horizon for my personal life. =} Oh so exciting!

Seems appropriate now:

Just in time for Xangapocalypse.

=} 

I'm done with dating, forever (hopefully). =}

Happy 4th of July. When did we all become grownups?

Love, Me.

Hmm.......... Americans really trust. I had forgotten, but now I know why I think that way too.

So I'm at the airport exhausted like a bitch because SOMEONE decided that it would be a great idea to leave all the lights on in the cabin during a red-eye flight from Singapore to Korea. Seriously, the plane left at 11~ and arrived at 5am. I mean, I know you served us dinner at 11:30-- (which i thought was odd...) -- but at least do the courtesy of putting it onto dim for the 80% of the aircraft passengers who were sleeping.

Thank god I had a very thick hat, I would have been miserable sitting under the sidewall lights while they were on full power...

What gets me the most though, is that we were going from UTC+8 to a UTC+9. There's only a one hour jump! If it were 12 hour difference then I suppose that they could have justified it as 'oh, we're following the time at our destination.' but noooooOOOOoooo. It was still the middle of the night at both locations.

*sigh* -- oh well, at this point, I will have my 18 hour flight left ahead of me-- That's when I (hopefully) get to sleep what I haven't already slept.

Amendment: ... The long portion was worse. Have I mentioned how much I hate seats... I would prefer to sit on the floor.

I must have a stamp on my forehead that says "Come, tell me your secrets!"

I spent nearly the entire last week with my mother's friends from her National Junior College days. And sitting among them, a thought struck me:

"They could be a team of retired super heroes."

After a certain age, and for most people, your friends become relatively similar. It's not that we chose them to be clones of ourselves, but it just seems to make sense that certain individuals are attracted to others like yourself. And when you grow older and the 'group' you hang out with becomes smaller, it just is logical that those that stand the test of time become more homogeneous. My mother's school day playmates evolved into giants. 

Respectable, and powerful each in their own way. And all of them are smart. 

I looked about the group with wonder and some longing that my life in another thirty years would be like theirs-- sitting around dinner gossiping, chatting, being children! And it occurred to me that I will never have what they have. 

This is a camaraderie that they had almost half a century to enforce. Friends since they were 15, ... where was I to find that? 

In fact, almost all of my close friends only happened after I turned 20. and none were from a single collection of individuals. 

Though, I've always said: "I should be so lucky if my life ever turns out to be as interesting as my parent's lives have been..."

PS: On a side note, I really wish I had more time to get to know the kids that came out of the NJC crowd. I really enjoyed their company and wished I had more excuses to hang out.

hhehh, after a year of holding this book: after three days, I'm done.

So, if you're a book fan and intend on reading 1Q84-- you may stop going through my entry right now.

A few comments.

Best Seller? Okay-- doesn't seem very main stream, though I do enjoy the fantasy aspects of it. Frustrated as fuck at the start of the October to December entries. That being said, I thought the romance (At least the parts in which the romance had substance) was very cute. I really was irritated that it took them so long to consummate-- and by consummate, I mean actually meet. Though I'm thankful for the ending-- up to the last page a sort of fear gripped me and I worried that the very last pages would hold a unhappy twist!

My favorite character was Ayumi.

I don't think I will read any of his other works just yet. Maybe after I get home and have some more time to digest it, I will read 1Q84 again. I really couldn't get around the parts of the book that described inaction. Though up to the middle of book three I was almost completely convinced they were going to do a Sophie's world on me, and say that Aomame was a character that Tengo made up and brought to real life.

Though, this work has inspired me to:

1) Read 1984
2) Listen to more Check composers
3) Go out and look at the moon.

All in all, Kinda cute (though thoroughly Japanese) love story, oddly eerie science fantasy aspect, somewhat unsettling horror aspects. I'm really bad about reading about political alliterations, though i assume there are many since the term 'Little people' seems so deliberate. That, however, is an aspect of the story I will revisit later. Stirring novel, no doubt. Sure helps that I enjoy reading about sex and that Tango is described as hot.

I was so tired, having not slept when I got home... having waited for word from Greed since one. i must have only just nodded off when he called at 2:30... "Can I still come over?" 

"Of course,"

"Really, la? It's okay if it's too late I'll go home." It was fucking late. But I figured I understood. it was only 2, if I had been out on a high energy day, then 2 is barely a night.  

"Just call me so you make sure I get up." I laughed, "How long should I wait."

"UNCLE! HOW FAR TILL HOLLAND VILLAGE?.... 15 minutes?"

"I'll see you soon."

And I did, he was tipsy but he instantly calmed me. He quickly gave me a kiss, he smelled like smoke. Brushed his teeth then took a shower and as soon as he crawled into bed with me, he very seriously (or as serious as a drunk boyfriend can get anyway) asked, "Why don't you ever get mad at me?"

I, very surprised that anyone expected us to fight, replied "For what?"

"Anything." He gave me cuddles. "We've been dating over a year, and we've never fought. I'm worried."

"...Would you like us to fight?" 

"No, I'm just wondering. V and I were talking about the window of knowledge and there's the stuff you don't know you know, the stuff you know you know, the stuff you know you don''t know, and the stuff you don't know what you don't know... and I Don't know what you don't like about me! You know you can tell me if I do something that upsets you."

"Do you want me to get mad at you? You haven't ever done anything that has upset me yet."

 He seemed as confused as i was "But you know you can tell me if I do something that bothers you. You don't have to hide it from me."

"Oh I'll tell you if i'm upset at you. likewise, you know you can tell me anything that could bother you or annoy you..."